I work on behalf of people who are caregivers for persons with dementia, usually Alzheimer’s disease. Caregivers tend to neglect their own self-care, some more and some less. The tendency is there because of the all-encompassing nature of being responsible for another person’s well-being in addition to your own. When caring for someone with dementia, the caregiver often has to “think for two people with one brain.” [Bob Schaeffer, 16-year veteran caregiver for wife with early onset Alzheimer's disease].

I have been interested in the topic of non-violence for many years and I never really connected it with caregiving until now. Just last week I experienced a deep fatigue at work that expressed itself in tearfulness. I had a palpable sense that there was a string hanging from my blouse connected to my inner resources. If someone were to pull that metaphysical string I was sure I would literally unravel. I used the phrase, “compassion fatigue” quite intentionally, never having considered it before!

Today at work, a colleague sent a broadcast email with word of your seminars and I just sat down with my laptop at home to read about Mettaknowledge. What is truly remarkable isthe timing! (not a surprise, is it?) I am just completing a Masters of Education in Adult Education and Administration. (“just” means i have completed my Capstone project and am finishing the last four weeks of my last course that I had to schedule overlapping part of the Capstone!)

I chose this particular on-line program for my graduate work because of the concentration. I wanted to learn how to structure my training and “face time” with family caregivers to support their comprehension of dementia and concomitant caregiving strategies. I was able to complete a project for just about every course that was directly relevant to my work. My graduate work provided me with a mental space where I could pour energy into alternative scenarios to arrive at new ways of looking at ongoing problems. This was a process I could not achieve at work or after work because I allowed “at work” to expand into “after work” when I did not have a non-negotiable boundary.
In addition, I lacked the conceptual structure that I have acquired through the last two years–part of why we go to school!!

What will you do now? is a frequent question. I reply that I started the program to help with current work. [of course, I would love to get a promotion, would't I??!! That is a long digression that I must resist taking right now!]

Nevertheless, I “remembered” one day about a month ago that I have always been interested in promoting non-violence. One of my concepts is that we are not taught how to make non-violent choices and so are not a usual part of our repertoire of responses to threatening stimuli. The stone, the rock, the gun, the knife, the sharp-edged tongue seem always to be at the ready, whereas the open hand, the disarming (get it?!) smile, the witty remark, the kinder words often elude us as a response.

I realize now that I have acquired the credentials to embark on a teaching path related to promoting alternative strategies to violence! Coming upon Mettaknowledge is virtually simultaneous to my realization. So, I have registered for the upcoming workshop in Norfolk and look forward to meeting others who share this interest. this is exciting!

I would like to comment on two other points. I am veryinterested in developing interactive simulations for this endeavor. I use the words “this endeavor” because I am not sure what to call promoting alternative strategies to violence. I reject the term “non-violence” because it is using the very strategy I reject to name what I want to emphasize!! Applying “non” does not negate violence.

Of course, I could say the lack of description in English only serves to reinforce my point that we lack suitable models for _______! How can we talk about something we can’t name in a positive way?!!

Peace is not the opposite of violennce. Passive resistance comes closest.

On an individual level I have adopted a practice of refraining from sending out thoughts of hate or anger in response to acts of violence. To me, that is passive resistance. I try ,in addition, to send loving, supportive thoughts. The latter is more difficult often, but I believe it is what is needed ultimately. I wonder, how many people sending positive loving thoughts toward painful situations would be necessary to offset the effects of hate? Perhaps what I am talking about after all is helping others to learn to practice compassion?

I look forward to any responses. Some of what i just wrote is the first time I have expressed myself in this manner.